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Valentine鈥檚 Day is right around the corner, which means lots of chocolate, teddy bears, and single ladies being made to feel especially inadequate. Some might celebrate 聽instead, some might skip on acknowledging the holiday at all, and some, myself included, will be holed up watching romantic comedies.

The internet is filled with lists of which 鈥攖he assumption seems to be that, otherwise, we singles would be festering alone in our living rooms, drinking vodka and singing 鈥淎ll By Myself鈥� . I enjoy the genre, but as a feminist I have some qualms.

Romantic comedies, particularly 鈥渢he classics鈥� of the genre, can be聽by today鈥檚 standards of feminism. Movies like Pretty Woman and Princess Bride tend to perpetuate 聽and romanticize men鈥檚 predatory behavior. Not to mention they are usually limited to depicting heterosexual relationships between an attractive cis man and an equally, perhaps even more, attractive cis woman. (LGBTQ folks: Here鈥檚 聽that drown out the heteronormative noise.) Lastly, if rom-coms are marketed to single women, then why are they mostly 聽(That鈥檚 a rhetorical question.)

Despite all this, rom-coms are stunningly popular. How do you reconcile your love of rom-coms with your staunch feminism?

Monique Jones, a pop culture critic and entertainment journalist, says that it鈥檚 OK if you like problematic rom-coms. 鈥淭hat doesn鈥檛 make us any less of an activist, it doesn鈥檛 make us any less down for the cause. It鈥檚 just being a human鈥攁nd being part of a culture that has indoctrinated us to believe certain things, whether or not they鈥檙e true,鈥� she says.

However, as feminists we do have to hold ourselves accountable, Jones says. Here are three tips on how to be a responsible rom-com consumer.

1. Be aware of how you鈥檙e internalizing the underlying messages

One of the biggest problems with the genre is that it tends to reinforce problematic ideas of romance. Contrary to rom-com plots, it鈥檚 actually not an outrageous notion for a man to love you 鈥渏ust as you are鈥� (Bridget Jones鈥檚 Diary, Trainwreck, Pretty Woman, Grease), but it actually is outrageous for a man to consistently ignore your rejections and relentlessly pursue you (The Notebook, 10 Things I Hate About You, 50 First Dates, Breakfast at Tiffany鈥檚).

鈥�There are a lot of patriarchal things in society that we鈥檝e grown up with that we鈥檝e just assumed are normal. And those same ideals get stuck in these movies. That鈥檚 why so many of them don鈥檛 get called out as being problematic, even though they are indicative of larger problems in society,鈥� Jones says.

Once you鈥檙e aware of the patriarchal underpinnings of these movies, you can more objectively decide what you believe is romantic. For example, maybe you don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 romantic to pretend to be someone鈥檚 fianc茅e while they are in a coma and have no idea who you are. It鈥檚 creepy, Sandra Bullock.

2. Be conscious of what and who you are supporting

This takes some research, but it鈥檚 worth it ( will be your new best friend). Jones suggests learning what you can about the movie: Who鈥檚 the director? Who wrote it? Who acts in it? What鈥檚 the premise? 鈥淚f you don鈥檛 feel offended, then I think it鈥檚 fine to watch,鈥� Jones says.

And for the movies we don鈥檛 feel good about鈥攍ike anything involving Woody Allen鈥攃onsider skipping it. 鈥淚 can鈥檛 justify having my head in the sand just to support somebody like Woody Allen,鈥� Jones says. She skips anything with his name attached to it.

鈥淚 never liked his movies anyway. They don鈥檛 speak to me, first of all, as a woman, and second of all, as an African-American woman,鈥� she says. 鈥淚 know all the film critics and film students that I have been in contact with say that Woody Allen is a master at doing this and that. But I don鈥檛 align with anything that he does or is. And that鈥檚 how I go about it. If what the person does doesn鈥檛 align with my core values, then I just can鈥檛 do it.鈥�

There are funnier, more romantic movies than Annie Hall, anyway.

3. Opt for rom-coms with fewer or zero problems

I know the classics are, well, classics, but why not watch a movie that takes a healthier approach to romance? 鈥淭here are always movies that are smaller productions, and they might not have the big box-office dollars, but they鈥檙e still well-crafted, well-made movies,鈥� Jones says.

Here鈥檚 a 聽of five from Thought Catalog聽to get you started: Warm Bodies, She鈥檚 Out of My League, Celeste and Jesse Forever, My Best Friend鈥檚 Wedding, and Kate and Leopold (sarcasm).

So, my fellow feminist rom-comphiles, don鈥檛 be discouraged.

There are still a lot of things people can enjoy about romantic comedies, Jones says. 鈥淲ith as much choice as there is out there, a person doesn鈥檛 have to give up their romantic comedy love altogether.鈥�

This article was edited at 3:35 p.m. on February 12, 2021, to replace broken gif links with functional images. Read our corrections policy here.