大象传媒

It was January at East City High, and rehearsals for the Senior Theater Company鈥檚 main stage production had just started ramping up. When I got to the auditorium for class, I headed to the steep, narrow steel staircase in the back that led up to the tech booth.

Raeyun, a queer Filipino trans student, was carefully navigating the stairs down and paused midway. He was looking for me. Most lighting work had to be done during blackouts, so often Raeyun did not have much to do during regular rehearsals. Instead, we sat in the tech booth and hung out.

Sometimes he wrote fan fiction, which he referred to as his 鈥済aymances鈥�; other times he drew on his phone. Mostly, we talked.

Up in the booth, Raeyun pulled out his phone and started scrolling through photos of his favorite K-pop artists. He wanted me to see what he saw: beautiful, idolized, masculine men who were wearing skirts, crop tops, and eyeliner.

Raeyun loved K-pop. He had a singer from NCT as the backdrop on his phone. Raeyun鈥檚 adoration was not just about the music. He described K-pop as a world in which men of color could engage with their gender expression and each other in ways that felt distant and not quite possible to him.

As he was flicking through photos of all the fashion styles he admired and limning the possibilities of femme masculinity, I felt acutely aware of my recorder tucked into my backpack downstairs in the auditorium seats, turned off and unhelpful.

Got Trans?

East City High is an imposing building that encompasses a full city block and enrolls around 1,800 students. It has four floors, several outbuildings, an auto shop, a turf field, a track, and tennis courts. A local nonprofit runs a community gardening program from the grounds, and in the spring, local elementary school children regularly gather there, learning about seeds and plants.

East City High occupies the unceded lands of the Tsleil-Waututh, Musqueam, and Squamish Nations. This area, which is now known as the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, has been split into several neighborhoods, though it is often simplified into the east and west side. The west side is associated with wealth and understood as having better schools and opportunities. The east side is positioned as grittier and more politically progressive.

I was at East City High conducting an ethnography on the ways gender-nonconforming youth navigated their genders as they moved through different spaces and relationships at school. In my year at East City High, I accompanied youth to their classes, joined in during their extracurricular activities and clubs, ate lunch with them, attended their performances, and hung out in hallways, in tech booths, and on the peripheries of classrooms.

Sometimes we skipped school together, met up in caf茅s, and just roamed the halls. We texted (often). They taught me how to play Dungeons & Dragons, introduced me to the world of K-pop, schooled me on what TV shows I really should have been watching all along, and read me their writing. 

Many of these young people were nonbinary and genderfluid. Sometimes they used the term 鈥渢rans,鈥� though they also struggled with not feeling 鈥渢rans enough.鈥� They talked about themselves as gay, queer, bisexual, pansexual, trans, gender-nonconforming, genderfluid, and nonbinary. These words overlapped and existed together, in sometimes seamless and other times uneasy ways. 

Therefore, I most often use 鈥済ender-nonconforming鈥� and 鈥渢rans,鈥� an umbrella term for any person whose gender does not align with the one they were designated at birth, to signal how the youth desired to be recognized as trans and, at times, held this desire for recognition in tension.

The Labor of Gender Legibility

Over the year I spent moving alongside six youths in grades 9鈥�12 at East City High, I noticed that youth performed myriad forms of labor throughout a school day to exist as gender-nonconforming. This labor was in response to the people, the physical environment, the curriculum, and the policies that reproduced narrow understandings of trans identity that did not have space for the capaciousness of their relationships to gender. At times, this labor was apparent and perceptible as work.

Youth corrected adults when they were misgendered and deadnamed or spoke to teachers and administrators to secure accommodations in their classes. Other times, this labor was unnoticed and devalued, as with Raeyun鈥檚 sharing of K-pop photos in the tech booth.

Though youth regularly engaged in small acts of resistance and rebellion by escaping into their own spaces or disappearing into their writing during classes, this behavior was not acknowledged as important, as valuable, or as a form of intervention.

I take seriously their daily acts of trans life as forms of labor. I consider how in the tech booth, for instance, Raeyun was engaged in not only the labor of survival but also the work of utopic world-building. He was creating another world to exist in while at East City High through the work of caring鈥攆or himself, for his gender, and, ultimately, for the burgeoning trans community he was cultivating through this labor.

During my year at East City High, I observed many teachers respond with care and concern to the idea of trans youth and to the trans youth they were aware existed. This response aligns with recent scholarship on the privileging of visibility as a metric when working with and supporting trans students in schools.

Overwhelmingly, when East City High teachers were aware of a trans student, they endeavored to support this young person. This support was framed within an accommodations approach, which has become the dominant strategy for pursuing trans-inclusivity in Canadian schools. 

Teachers assisted students in accessing workarounds in physical education classes or changing their names and pronouns. At times, this support was seamless and useful. At other times, it was awkward and halting. However, it was always reactive, compelled either by adults鈥� awareness of a trans student in their class or by a student making themselves explicitly known as trans to an adult.

The administrators, teachers, and staff promoted this progressive version of the school in part through visuals. As one entered, one of the first visible images was a painted land acknowledgment expressing awareness of the Indigenous peoples on whose land the school was built. Throughout the school, there were poster campaigns denouncing racism and homophobia. 

The narrow hallway leading into East City High鈥檚 theater studio was lined with posters from old productions, potted plants, and a couple of couches. In this hallway, there was also a queer and trans visibility campaign, mostly obscured by the plants, that featured photos of celebrities and asked, 鈥淕ot Pansexual? Got Trans? Got Two-Spirited? Got Femme?鈥�

Scarecrow Jones, a mixed-race, nonbinary grade 9 student, abhorred this campaign. On many occasions, they ranted about the wording of this display: 鈥淲hat, like, I mean, have I got the disease, do you mean? Oh man, are you coming down with the bug?鈥� Scarecrow Jones offered, 鈥淎t least it鈥檚 not blatant homophobia… They鈥檙e trying, which I guess is nice, but at the same time, it鈥檚 the bare minimum form of representation that鈥檚 not accurate at all.鈥� 

Scarecrow Jones did not see themself in these posters, but they reckoned that it was a nice attempt by East City High to recognize that trans people might exist.

Frequently unnoticed was the labor that youth performed to construct ways of existing that were unrecognizable to the adults at the school. At times alone and at times collaboratively, gender-nonconforming youth at East City High worked not just to understand and resign themselves to the circumstances and limitations of the school but to create trap doors鈥攕paces that did not require them to show up the same way from hour to hour or day to day.

These were spaces where they could be flamboyantly gay trans men who gushed about wearing halter tops, or long-haired, nonbinary, mixed kids who sometimes did not know if they were having a boy day until they went to bed that night. Gender-nonconforming youth created both physical and fantastical trapdoors where they could exist in relation to their genders in ways that adults in the school either did not notice or could not understand. 

Their practices of world-making were often undetected because they were intentionally happening in spaces that were tucked away, peripheral, and, at times, imaginary.

Theorizing Gender Nonconformity

At East City High, adults were quick to express care and concern for known trans youth because they believed that being trans makes a young person vulnerable, especially in a school. While educators accepted recognizable trans youth, they did not want youth to be trans.

When trans identity is associated with risk, then wanting a young person to be trans is analogous to wishing a young person a hard life. Therefore, despite adults鈥� care and support, no one ever expressed desire for a young person to be or grow up queer and trans.

As a result of the concern of adults at East City High, they were invested in helping visible trans students. I argue that this approach to trans-inclusivity both relied on and reproduced narrow terms of gender legibility that tethered gender nonconformity to risk, harm, and danger. It is critical to emphasize that most of the youth I worked with were not visible as trans. They were not recognized as trans because of the ways they were racialized, their fatness, their neurodivergence, and the many ways their genders did not align with societal expectations for what it 鈥渕eans鈥� and 鈥渓ooks鈥� like to be trans.

Many youth wanted to be understood as gender-nonconforming based on the ways they transgressed societal gender norms. However, youth also desired gender nonconformity precisely because it was confusing and uncategorizable. Being gender-nonconforming, therefore, meant that adults in the school would not be able to place them because they were intentionally unplaceable.

At times, their resistance was grounded in a fierce intention to disrupt cisheteronormative assumptions; at other times, it was others who resisted knowing them, unable to recognize the complexities of their genders.

I am not interested in making these youth and their genders stable and knowable. Rather, I ask: When educators respond to trans youth from places of risk and concern, how do youth work daily to create space to exist as gender-nonconforming young people? Though the youth I worked with regularly confronted transphobic, racist, and ableist ideas and narratives from adults, other students, the curriculum, and the physical space of the school, they intervened at East City High through their labor.

In North America, we are currently witnessing a heightened conversation regarding the bodies, experiences, and lives of queer and trans youth. There is a proliferation of fearmongering about their existence, leading to district-wide book bans, the blocking of gender-affirming health care, and legislation that criminalizes discussions of gender and sexuality in schools.

Often, this condemnation of queer and trans issues in schools is happening alongside the denouncing of antiracist teaching and learning. These intertwined denunciations are mired in widespread understandings of adolescence as a risky period of life and the belief that youth need adult protection to be safely guided toward adulthood.

However, the six youth I spent a year moving alongside did not predominantly understand themselves and their genders through discourses of risk and harm. Rather, they worked hard to build worlds at East City High where gender nonconformity was not defined by suffering. Their thinking illustrates the potential of a pedagogy of trans desire in schools, and I call on educators to turn away from concern and instead cultivate desire for trans and gender-nonconforming youth.

This adapted excerpt from by LJ Slovin (NYU Press, 2024) appears by permission of the publisher.